I dedicate this to all who have experienced pain and gotten themselves stand up once again. No shit. :))
Ever heard of the overworked line "I think we're better off as friends" after a breakup that seemed to happen overnight? Bet you probably will once or twice in your life, and you will find yourself, after too much reluctance, yielding to it while you roll your eyeballs at the back of your stupid forehead. It's not as simple as you think and more often that not, the whole idea is just really plain stupid.
According to some online know-it-all, if two exes decided to be friends, it's either they were never in love or they still are. But if you found yourself none of the above (anymore), what to make of this situation? Nevertheless, I won't ever understand how a person can actually stay friends after a breakup, no matter what the reasons are, while everybody is working up on you imposing as if it's the most righteous thing to do. I repeat, like it's the most righteous thing to do. And if you won't be able to do it, you will come off being the bitter and unforgiving person—completely unfair. I had my own share of the experience and to tell you honestly, being told to be friends is like listening to him while he say “let’s eat our own shit”. Well, it’s exaggerated but it’s very close to that.
But if it really is the right thing to do, then why, at the most part, do we never feel good and never feel right about it?
In most cases, breaking up is never even or rarely mutual. One is crowned the heartbreaker and one leaves off the ‘more’ heartbroken. One has to suffer more pain than the other. One has to spend more nights drying his or her eyes out, while the other may even just sleep it all out or may be seen kissing another lips in no time. There are endless possibilities and reasons why your ex wants to be friends with you, but it’s up to you to judge. However, judging from my history and countless relationships I watched grow and then eventually falter, it doesn’t turn out exactly ideal as we thought it’d be, even if it’s for the purest intentions. There’s no point really. There’s also nothing left to talk about anyway, unless you wanna be friends with benefits, but that’s a completely different thing that needs a lot more than talk. To put it simply and coldly, they say that once you lose the one you love, you also automatically lose a friend. It’s an equation.
After careful thought and consideration, I've come to conclusion that being downgraded from lovers to friends will just make things complicated and much more harmful for both the persons. Here's why.
1. The 'most civil' way to break someone's heart. It’s a pity and a fact that it’s maybe the most gentle way to end a relationship, well if there is such thing. You might even say that it makes the heartbreaker less guilty and it tends to mask off the pain he/she caused-makes them less horrible person for that.
2. Quit the stalking. Being shoved off to the so-called friendzone still gives you this considerable freedom to stalk your ex. One way or another, any news or updates about his/her life will still affect you,-does she have a new girl/boyfriend? is she flirting with somebody? is he also sucking up?, does she miss me? Will we ever get back together? Will she sleep with me again if ever I ask her to? blah blah blah and such assumptions and questions that will do nothing but circulate in your blood like cancer and torture you. It will definitely hurt if you see him or her with someone else new, even if you already had passed a degree of moving on. It's (to quit stalking) really not easy at first, it's like a drug or cigarette you can't do without a day, but if you do it gradually or put his presence somewhere you can't see by default, then you can tolerate this little by little.
Moreover, by stalking, you can see the changes with your ex which probably happened because of you, but do not assume that it's completely because of you. They may just realize that they have to be happy for themselves, and move on. Some people who just got their heart broken may tend to upgrade themselves physically or socially you know what I mean, and people around your ex starts to fancy him or her in a way. You might even grow insecurities and that's when you start questioning yourself if you actually did the right thing to breakup. All these and more, once you maintain your snoopy self around your ex-lover.
3. The memoirs of your romantic trysts. You can never forget the fact that once or maybe a number of times, you and your ex had crossed and shared physical boundaries (and slobber) for all you know. Face it, at one point in your life you had to see him naked, play with each other's tongue, breathe fire on his lips, press yourself on each other reciprocally, smell his sweat and/or examined his physical lumps for fun or something. You get the point. Bottomline, you have to kill the remnants of your overdue passion and all the attached fiery memories to it.
4. Fend off the bitterness. Everytime we try to talk about broken relationships, we always tend to outsmart the bitterness within us, but we have to remember that it's only natural and it's never a crime to feel bitter about the 'damage', especially if you have all the right. But at the end of the day, you're gonna have to get over it, and remaining friends with the ex certainly will not get you anywhere far from bitterness. You will always remember how he killed your heart and how much you are trying so hard to restart it again.
5. Be a "heartbreak survivor". "The only way is to get away." The crux of surviving a breakup is to completely and genuinely move on, and if it’s the choice you are strong enough to make, then being friends with your ex is probably not the best option. You’ll never learn to outgrow it if you stay in the same spot where two of you have left.
I just had to add another item--ultimately second chances are rare.
When you're going to breakup with a person, be sure that it's the last decision that you'll ever gonna make, because at one point or another, hurt and pain can actually deeply scar a person more than you know. They can also make you remember a lot of things more vividly--the memories you've shared, the things that both of you learned and loved to do, the nights you cuddled and talked about the future, your mutual friends and bonded families, little nice things you did for each other, the laughters and the friendship--all broken promises gone with the wind. And you will realize that it's hard (never) going back to the same situation anymore. Like I said, a lost lover is also friend lost.
These are some of the truths about a breakup that is proposed to end with friendship. Often times the logic isn't there especially if you have seen your ex-partner as a lover and a friend at the same time, and this two concepts got twisted and entangled before everything has to end. It's hard to untangle love from friendship and friendship from love. This idea is way too ideal and far from being legit. I wouldn't say I didn't try this idea, but thinking about I feel it's just "absurd".
One day, you're telling each other "You're the best thing that ever happened to me", and the next thing you know, you are reduced to plain, platonic and virtual kind of friendship, not even real "FRIENDSHIP" (click here to refresh your idea about the true meaning of friendship) to the genuine sense of the word. So WHAT.IS.THE.POINT.
Something to think of. I just couldn't afford to think like that.
I dedicate this to all who have experienced pain and gotten themselves stand up once again. No shit. :))
Ever heard of the overworked line "I think we're better off as friends" after a breakup that seemed to happen overnight? Bet you probably will once or twice in your life, and you will find yourself, after too much reluctance, yielding to it while you roll your eyeballs at the back of your stupid forehead. It's not as simple as you think and more often that not, the whole idea is just really plain stupid.
According to some online know-it-all, if two exes decided to be friends, it's either they were never in love or they still are. But if you found yourself none of the above (anymore), what to make of this situation? Nevertheless, I won't ever understand how a person can actually stay friends after a breakup, no matter what the reasons are, while everybody is working up on you imposing as if it's the most righteous thing to do. I repeat, like it's the most righteous thing to do. And if you won't be able to do it, you will come off being the bitter and unforgiving person—completely unfair. I had my own share of the experience and to tell you honestly, being told to be friends is like listening to him while he say “let’s eat our own shit”. Well, it’s exaggerated but it’s very close to that.
But if it really is the right thing to do, then why, at the most part, do we never feel good and never feel right about it?
In most cases, breaking up is never even or rarely mutual. One is crowned the heartbreaker and one leaves off the ‘more’ heartbroken. One has to suffer more pain than the other. One has to spend more nights drying his or her eyes out, while the other may even just sleep it all out or may be seen kissing another lips in no time. There are endless possibilities and reasons why your ex wants to be friends with you, but it’s up to you to judge. However, judging from my history and countless relationships I watched grow and then eventually falter, it doesn’t turn out exactly ideal as we thought it’d be, even if it’s for the purest intentions. There’s no point really. There’s also nothing left to talk about anyway, unless you wanna be friends with benefits, but that’s a completely different thing that needs a lot more than talk. To put it simply and coldly, they say that once you lose the one you love, you also automatically lose a friend. It’s an equation.
After careful thought and consideration, I've come to conclusion that being downgraded from lovers to friends will just make things complicated and much more harmful for both the persons. Here's why.
1. The 'most civil' way to break someone's heart. It’s a pity and a fact that it’s maybe the most gentle way to end a relationship, well if there is such thing. You might even say that it makes the heartbreaker less guilty and it tends to mask off the pain he/she caused-makes them less horrible person for that.
2. Quit the stalking. Being shoved off to the so-called friendzone still gives you this considerable freedom to stalk your ex. One way or another, any news or updates about his/her life will still affect you,-does she have a new girl/boyfriend? is she flirting with somebody? is he also sucking up?, does she miss me? Will we ever get back together? Will she sleep with me again if ever I ask her to? blah blah blah and such assumptions and questions that will do nothing but circulate in your blood like cancer and torture you. It will definitely hurt if you see him or her with someone else new, even if you already had passed a degree of moving on. It's (to quit stalking) really not easy at first, it's like a drug or cigarette you can't do without a day, but if you do it gradually or put his presence somewhere you can't see by default, then you can tolerate this little by little.
Moreover, by stalking, you can see the changes with your ex which probably happened because of you, but do not assume that it's completely because of you. They may just realize that they have to be happy for themselves, and move on. Some people who just got their heart broken may tend to upgrade themselves physically or socially you know what I mean, and people around your ex starts to fancy him or her in a way. You might even grow insecurities and that's when you start questioning yourself if you actually did the right thing to breakup. All these and more, once you maintain your snoopy self around your ex-lover.
3. The memoirs of your romantic trysts. You can never forget the fact that once or maybe a number of times, you and your ex had crossed and shared physical boundaries (and slobber) for all you know. Face it, at one point in your life you had to see him naked, play with each other's tongue, breathe fire on his lips, press yourself on each other reciprocally, smell his sweat and/or examined his physical lumps for fun or something. You get the point. Bottomline, you have to kill the remnants of your overdue passion and all the attached fiery memories to it.
4. Fend off the bitterness. Everytime we try to talk about broken relationships, we always tend to outsmart the bitterness within us, but we have to remember that it's only natural and it's never a crime to feel bitter about the 'damage', especially if you have all the right. But at the end of the day, you're gonna have to get over it, and remaining friends with the ex certainly will not get you anywhere far from bitterness. You will always remember how he killed your heart and how much you are trying so hard to restart it again.
5. Be a "heartbreak survivor". "The only way is to get away." The crux of surviving a breakup is to completely and genuinely move on, and if it’s the choice you are strong enough to make, then being friends with your ex is probably not the best option. You’ll never learn to outgrow it if you stay in the same spot where two of you have left.
I just had to add another item--ultimately second chances are rare.
When you're going to breakup with a person, be sure that it's the last decision that you'll ever gonna make, because at one point or another, hurt and pain can actually deeply scar a person more than you know. They can also make you remember a lot of things more vividly--the memories you've shared, the things that both of you learned and loved to do, the nights you cuddled and talked about the future, your mutual friends and bonded families, little nice things you did for each other, the laughters and the friendship--all broken promises gone with the wind. And you will realize that it's hard (never) going back to the same situation anymore. Like I said, a lost lover is also friend lost.
These are some of the truths about a breakup that is proposed to end with friendship. Often times the logic isn't there especially if you have seen your ex-partner as a lover and a friend at the same time, and this two concepts got twisted and entangled before everything has to end. It's hard to untangle love from friendship and friendship from love. This idea is way too ideal and far from being legit. I wouldn't say I didn't try this idea, but thinking about I feel it's just "absurd".
One day, you're telling each other "You're the best thing that ever happened to me", and the next thing you know, you are reduced to plain, platonic and virtual kind of friendship, not even real "FRIENDSHIP" (click here to refresh your idea about the true meaning of friendship) to the genuine sense of the word. So WHAT.IS.THE.POINT.
Something to think of. I just couldn't afford to think like that.
I'm Gixx. I started this blog two years ago when I tried to go about my insanity through documenting my musings in the night. I am now 21, graduate, again studying in law school, and I am still floating and fleeting from my existence and unconventional personality and way of living.
I maintain at least five websites but this is where I write about anything random. I read a lot of books. I love travel and I'm a sucker for zeal and wisdom.
I like to take risks. And that's where I learn. Then I write.
This blog space is owned, managed and updated by MARIA GICEL T CAMBRI. Unless with prior permission, no portion of the contents may be directly or indirectly copied, published, reproduced, modified, displayed, sold, transmitted, published or redistributed in any medium. I mean it.
Encodegixx@2010
