It's the first time that someone I loved very much, died on me. I watched the person wither in front of me little by little as I held her hand very tightly. I didn't wanna leave. I didn't close my eyes even for a wink of sleep. I had to be there until her last breath. I knew that it'll be the last. If I could only breathe for her, take her place for the pain she's been going through, I would've willingly taken the same place, the same bed-that last memory of her.
She wanted to go home, more than anything. I wish we just let her but we couldn't. I had to hold her as if I were handcuffs for her tiny vulnerable purplish wrists. Her veins couldn't take the prick of syringes. Every vein of her that collapses is every vein of my heart that explodes in pain, in ache to see her helplessly suffering while biting her teeth off the excruciation.
I never ever shed a tear for her that time. While she can see me, I could never be weak for her. I had to swallow all the tears back to my stomach. My soul was in great despair. I felt the most pathetic feeling in my life. The last night, I went home. I wish I didn't. I dreamed of her. I wish I didn't wake up.
Oct 26. As I hurried back to the hospital, I received a call. I knew that moment, I felt it already. She did not wait for me. At 9am, she was already in coma, brain dead.At 9:25, she passed away,peacefully, without us even noticing. Maybe, she wanted it that way. Yes, she looked peaceful. I know by looking at her, that before she died, she already let go of all that pain and disappointment she has been going through for many years. She had forgiven them.
I look almost helpless. I don't feel a thing but I feel that cold tears flowing unstoppably from my eyes. I can't feel my heart beating. "Thank you. I love you." I whispered to her and then I kissed her forehead goodbye. It's cold but she's still lovely. It was the last scent of her. I watch as the doctors cover her body with a white cloth, starting from toe to the head. I am not in the soap operas or the movies. It is real but I wish it's not. This is more excruciating than all the greatest pains I have ever experienced.
It's been a year but my heart still stops when I remember her. I can never ever repay her for all the things that she has done for me.
Until now, I'd still wish to see her again and let her know how I've become a great person because of her.
It's the first time that someone I loved very much, died on me. I watched the person wither in front of me little by little as I held her hand very tightly. I didn't wanna leave. I didn't close my eyes even for a wink of sleep. I had to be there until her last breath. I knew that it'll be the last. If I could only breathe for her, take her place for the pain she's been going through, I would've willingly taken the same place, the same bed-that last memory of her.
She wanted to go home, more than anything. I wish we just let her but we couldn't. I had to hold her as if I were handcuffs for her tiny vulnerable purplish wrists. Her veins couldn't take the prick of syringes. Every vein of her that collapses is every vein of my heart that explodes in pain, in ache to see her helplessly suffering while biting her teeth off the excruciation.
I never ever shed a tear for her that time. While she can see me, I could never be weak for her. I had to swallow all the tears back to my stomach. My soul was in great despair. I felt the most pathetic feeling in my life. The last night, I went home. I wish I didn't. I dreamed of her. I wish I didn't wake up.
Oct 26. As I hurried back to the hospital, I received a call. I knew that moment, I felt it already. She did not wait for me. At 9am, she was already in coma, brain dead.At 9:25, she passed away,peacefully, without us even noticing. Maybe, she wanted it that way. Yes, she looked peaceful. I know by looking at her, that before she died, she already let go of all that pain and disappointment she has been going through for many years. She had forgiven them.
I look almost helpless. I don't feel a thing but I feel that cold tears flowing unstoppably from my eyes. I can't feel my heart beating. "Thank you. I love you." I whispered to her and then I kissed her forehead goodbye. It's cold but she's still lovely. It was the last scent of her. I watch as the doctors cover her body with a white cloth, starting from toe to the head. I am not in the soap operas or the movies. It is real but I wish it's not. This is more excruciating than all the greatest pains I have ever experienced.
It's been a year but my heart still stops when I remember her. I can never ever repay her for all the things that she has done for me.
Until now, I'd still wish to see her again and let her know how I've become a great person because of her.
I'm Gixx. I started this blog two years ago when I tried to go about my insanity through documenting my musings in the night. I am now 21, graduate, again studying in law school, and I am still floating and fleeting from my existence and unconventional personality and way of living.
I maintain at least five websites but this is where I write about anything random. I read a lot of books. I love travel and I'm a sucker for zeal and wisdom.
I like to take risks. And that's where I learn. Then I write.
This blog space is owned, managed and updated by MARIA GICEL T CAMBRI. Unless with prior permission, no portion of the contents may be directly or indirectly copied, published, reproduced, modified, displayed, sold, transmitted, published or redistributed in any medium. I mean it.
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