Suddenly, I feel like my whole world is falling apart again. I had this talk with my good old friends last night, and it made me realize a lot of things that have been going on inside me. I told that what had happened, those occasional talks and asked what the hell is the meaning of those words and statements, or they may just have no meaning at all. I just making myself believe that they do have. And I know I made a wrong pathetic move trying to assume that we're gonna start all over again.They keep asking me 'what if' and 'how are you gonna do it' questions. I could answer at first but at one point, I froze and I couldn't say anything more.
I'm just glad that they told me that everything that happened to me is part of the learning process, but they constantly said that I was stupid at many things though. But I love them for being so supportive that they kept listening to me even though I had done this ranting thing to them over and over again, and they forgave me for it. But I couldn't forgive myself because I know it was not really worth it and that I had to move on and forget, and I did as best as I could, but I can't force myself not to be bitter because I know I have the right to and I know I haven't done anything wrong to be treated the way I was treated in the past.
Then I met this girl, who has the similar problem as mine before, but much much worse. She is a physically and verbally battered girlfriend. She showed us her god freakin bruises all over her arms. She was even punched at the face when his boyfriend got drunk the last time they met. While she was telling all these to us, she was laughing and it's not like she is being so serious about it, but I know she is dreading inside. Her boyfriend is also cheating on her and she knows about it but just let it pass. I asked her, how can she endure all those abuse and forgive him over and over again. I know that time, she would just answer me because 'I love him', but is it the only reason why she lets him do that to her? It's so sick especially for me who advocates for women empowerment and to stop abuse to women and stuff like those. But somehow, I understand her because I had been in the same situation, just in lesser gravity, and it's really hard to make a decision-to leave or not to leave- when you're there, and the person is telling you that he just needs understanding and support because he was struggling all his life and he needs you to stay and deal with his shortcomings.
But, is it all worth it? I don't want to impose on her what to do because we know that we were just there to advise but it's still up to her what's her decision's going to be. I have been there, and when you're there and it's the time to make decisions for the betterment of yourself, you just back off and forgive the person over and over again, no matter how many times the person hurt you in every way you wouldn't ever think the person could. But it's just really crazy. You lose all your principles because you freakin love the person.
I don't know, all her stories just echo everything that happened to me before. I just hope she makes the right decision for herself. They have been going on for six months and it took me almost a year to realize, "ok, I'm just gonna end this because this is not right and no matter how much effort I make, this is isn't gonna change". She still has the remaining 6 years to beat my stupidity but if I were her... seeing all those dark bruises all over her, men, it's never ever gonna be worth it.
Suddenly, I feel like my whole world is falling apart again. I had this talk with my good old friends last night, and it made me realize a lot of things that have been going on inside me. I told that what had happened, those occasional talks and asked what the hell is the meaning of those words and statements, or they may just have no meaning at all. I just making myself believe that they do have. And I know I made a wrong pathetic move trying to assume that we're gonna start all over again.They keep asking me 'what if' and 'how are you gonna do it' questions. I could answer at first but at one point, I froze and I couldn't say anything more.
I'm just glad that they told me that everything that happened to me is part of the learning process, but they constantly said that I was stupid at many things though. But I love them for being so supportive that they kept listening to me even though I had done this ranting thing to them over and over again, and they forgave me for it. But I couldn't forgive myself because I know it was not really worth it and that I had to move on and forget, and I did as best as I could, but I can't force myself not to be bitter because I know I have the right to and I know I haven't done anything wrong to be treated the way I was treated in the past.
Then I met this girl, who has the similar problem as mine before, but much much worse. She is a physically and verbally battered girlfriend. She showed us her god freakin bruises all over her arms. She was even punched at the face when his boyfriend got drunk the last time they met. While she was telling all these to us, she was laughing and it's not like she is being so serious about it, but I know she is dreading inside. Her boyfriend is also cheating on her and she knows about it but just let it pass. I asked her, how can she endure all those abuse and forgive him over and over again. I know that time, she would just answer me because 'I love him', but is it the only reason why she lets him do that to her? It's so sick especially for me who advocates for women empowerment and to stop abuse to women and stuff like those. But somehow, I understand her because I had been in the same situation, just in lesser gravity, and it's really hard to make a decision-to leave or not to leave- when you're there, and the person is telling you that he just needs understanding and support because he was struggling all his life and he needs you to stay and deal with his shortcomings.
But, is it all worth it? I don't want to impose on her what to do because we know that we were just there to advise but it's still up to her what's her decision's going to be. I have been there, and when you're there and it's the time to make decisions for the betterment of yourself, you just back off and forgive the person over and over again, no matter how many times the person hurt you in every way you wouldn't ever think the person could. But it's just really crazy. You lose all your principles because you freakin love the person.
I don't know, all her stories just echo everything that happened to me before. I just hope she makes the right decision for herself. They have been going on for six months and it took me almost a year to realize, "ok, I'm just gonna end this because this is not right and no matter how much effort I make, this is isn't gonna change". She still has the remaining 6 years to beat my stupidity but if I were her... seeing all those dark bruises all over her, men, it's never ever gonna be worth it.
I'm Gixx. I started this blog two years ago when I tried to go about my insanity through documenting my musings in the night. I am now 21, graduate, again studying in law school, and I am still floating and fleeting from my existence and unconventional personality and way of living.
I maintain at least five websites but this is where I write about anything random. I read a lot of books. I love travel and I'm a sucker for zeal and wisdom.
I like to take risks. And that's where I learn. Then I write.
This blog space is owned, managed and updated by MARIA GICEL T CAMBRI. Unless with prior permission, no portion of the contents may be directly or indirectly copied, published, reproduced, modified, displayed, sold, transmitted, published or redistributed in any medium. I mean it.
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