I know I don't know you But I want you so bad Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it Oh, no they can't
Driving fast now Don't think I know how to go slow Where you at now I feel around There you are
Cool these engines Calm these jets I ask you, "How hot can it get?" As you wipe off beads of sweat Slowly, you say, "I'm not there yet"
(from "Secrets" by Maroon 5)
------
Waking up with your head throbbing so painfully that things were too hazy to remember is not exactly my typical kind of morning, but I couldn't say it's not perfect either. Still in my drunken stupor, I barely noticed the warm body lazily slung over me, swathed in nothing but the sheet of a bedspread. And that's when you start looking down you, panic filling in and then after counting to zero, you started to carefully sneak out.
Like any other drunkard passing out lord knows where, there were two things I badly needed when I woke up: water and maybe some missing piece of clothing. Feeling really stupid frantically tip-toeing around to grab my things on the floor, I began collecting my thoughts while unconsciously whispering "shit" a couple of times and mentally examining my physical condition at the same time. I smelled like I bathed in tequila, my lower back ached whenever I outwardly arched them, my legs hurt like hell.
Unethically fleeing from a be damned situation, I did remember some things over my emergency breakfast, but not all of them. There were blue lights, heavy breathings, tossing, laughing, stumbling on some dark hallway, some religious panting, oh the slosh of the shower--but all came out my mind in very sloppy incoherent snapshots. Of course, I knew what had happened I'm not some vestal or something like that, so I just acknowledged it eventually, with a little bit of reluctance. I was really taken aback by my action, that I'm capable of doing something way beyond my principles. But surprisingly, there was no twinge of guilt or something. Well, maybe a little but it could be brushed away with one morning shower. I even had this hidden smirk when I think about it. It was oddly clear to me that I don't know him but I wanted him...so bad without having any reasons why.
--------
He was gorgeous, had sexy hair, lean but muscular and has very cute butt. It was easily noticed. His jawline was also carved attractively. We had a lot in common. Aside from our can-be provocative looks and behavior, we share the same judgment over nontraditional things and some unorthodox ways to do, accomplish or get things we want in an easier, non-laborious way. I stumbled upon him when I was gladly transitioning from being an uptight strongly committed and generous being to have a more carefree take on establishing my social behavior and relationships. After three or four years of watching my relationships flaking on my own eyes despite me always trying to be perfect and sacrificial, I thought it had to be too much already. Maybe I was trying to be perfect too much and always giving a solid direction which I found very taxing eventually. He's just what I needed--a breath of fresh air. He was like a shot a tequila to me, I didn't really like drinking it but drinking made me feel sated...and brave.
I wasn't exactly in my best prim behavior when I'm with him but I'm practically enjoying it. I didn't care, he didn't. Honestly, the first motivating reason why I agreed dating him because he was so hot especially when he eats a sandwich and he had this irresistible swagger with him every time he moves. It was very appealing and disturbing at the same time. The first time we dated, man it was immediate ST oozing between us, and later on we came to this informal agreement on our relationship; that it was purely nothing more than 'dating' and all other things that come with it, whatever that means. We talked about just anything, even his precarious deviant behavior. There were no boundaries and hard limits. There were no pressing commitment issues. There were no weary expectations. There were only restlessness, adventure and jovial moments over coffee exchanging banters and provocative comments and innuendoes that flowed naturally between us, like we didn't care if we'd be damned for it.
------
I swore to myself I'd never drink that bloody heavy again, without eating. After my crazy stint, I thought we're not gonna see again but he never questioned my less than courteous flight from our little get together; we even talked and laughed about it. I have never had this kind of relationship. That was so weird or maybe I was just not used to having an allnighter without damage and liabilities. But it was some kind of experiment, a good experiment for me that aligned with the self proclaimed radical reformation of my life, or so it may seem. Another metamorphic experience and I didn't care if someone pass a judgment over me passing the line of my convictions, but what the hell, sh*t is just sh*t. You'll get over it. Sometimes shit is what you needed, for the moment. Sometimes it can even be beautiful.
I know I don't know you But I want you so bad Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it Oh, no they can't
Driving fast now Don't think I know how to go slow Where you at now I feel around There you are
Cool these engines Calm these jets I ask you, "How hot can it get?" As you wipe off beads of sweat Slowly, you say, "I'm not there yet"
(from "Secrets" by Maroon 5)
------
Waking up with your head throbbing so painfully that things were too hazy to remember is not exactly my typical kind of morning, but I couldn't say it's not perfect either. Still in my drunken stupor, I barely noticed the warm body lazily slung over me, swathed in nothing but the sheet of a bedspread. And that's when you start looking down you, panic filling in and then after counting to zero, you started to carefully sneak out.
Like any other drunkard passing out lord knows where, there were two things I badly needed when I woke up: water and maybe some missing piece of clothing. Feeling really stupid frantically tip-toeing around to grab my things on the floor, I began collecting my thoughts while unconsciously whispering "shit" a couple of times and mentally examining my physical condition at the same time. I smelled like I bathed in tequila, my lower back ached whenever I outwardly arched them, my legs hurt like hell.
Unethically fleeing from a be damned situation, I did remember some things over my emergency breakfast, but not all of them. There were blue lights, heavy breathings, tossing, laughing, stumbling on some dark hallway, some religious panting, oh the slosh of the shower--but all came out my mind in very sloppy incoherent snapshots. Of course, I knew what had happened I'm not some vestal or something like that, so I just acknowledged it eventually, with a little bit of reluctance. I was really taken aback by my action, that I'm capable of doing something way beyond my principles. But surprisingly, there was no twinge of guilt or something. Well, maybe a little but it could be brushed away with one morning shower. I even had this hidden smirk when I think about it. It was oddly clear to me that I don't know him but I wanted him...so bad without having any reasons why.
--------
He was gorgeous, had sexy hair, lean but muscular and has very cute butt. It was easily noticed. His jawline was also carved attractively. We had a lot in common. Aside from our can-be provocative looks and behavior, we share the same judgment over nontraditional things and some unorthodox ways to do, accomplish or get things we want in an easier, non-laborious way. I stumbled upon him when I was gladly transitioning from being an uptight strongly committed and generous being to have a more carefree take on establishing my social behavior and relationships. After three or four years of watching my relationships flaking on my own eyes despite me always trying to be perfect and sacrificial, I thought it had to be too much already. Maybe I was trying to be perfect too much and always giving a solid direction which I found very taxing eventually. He's just what I needed--a breath of fresh air. He was like a shot a tequila to me, I didn't really like drinking it but drinking made me feel sated...and brave.
I wasn't exactly in my best prim behavior when I'm with him but I'm practically enjoying it. I didn't care, he didn't. Honestly, the first motivating reason why I agreed dating him because he was so hot especially when he eats a sandwich and he had this irresistible swagger with him every time he moves. It was very appealing and disturbing at the same time. The first time we dated, man it was immediate ST oozing between us, and later on we came to this informal agreement on our relationship; that it was purely nothing more than 'dating' and all other things that come with it, whatever that means. We talked about just anything, even his precarious deviant behavior. There were no boundaries and hard limits. There were no pressing commitment issues. There were no weary expectations. There were only restlessness, adventure and jovial moments over coffee exchanging banters and provocative comments and innuendoes that flowed naturally between us, like we didn't care if we'd be damned for it.
------
I swore to myself I'd never drink that bloody heavy again, without eating. After my crazy stint, I thought we're not gonna see again but he never questioned my less than courteous flight from our little get together; we even talked and laughed about it. I have never had this kind of relationship. That was so weird or maybe I was just not used to having an allnighter without damage and liabilities. But it was some kind of experiment, a good experiment for me that aligned with the self proclaimed radical reformation of my life, or so it may seem. Another metamorphic experience and I didn't care if someone pass a judgment over me passing the line of my convictions, but what the hell, sh*t is just sh*t. You'll get over it. Sometimes shit is what you needed, for the moment. Sometimes it can even be beautiful.
I'm Gixx. I started this blog two years ago when I tried to go about my insanity through documenting my musings in the night. I am now 21, graduate, again studying in law school, and I am still floating and fleeting from my existence and unconventional personality and way of living.
I maintain at least five websites but this is where I write about anything random. I read a lot of books. I love travel and I'm a sucker for zeal and wisdom.
I like to take risks. And that's where I learn. Then I write.
This blog space is owned, managed and updated by MARIA GICEL T CAMBRI. Unless with prior permission, no portion of the contents may be directly or indirectly copied, published, reproduced, modified, displayed, sold, transmitted, published or redistributed in any medium. I mean it.
Encodegixx@2010
