On the road to spirituality (*a reflection paper written for a Theology course)
My sister said she does not believe in God.
A couple others around me when asked said they don’t either. For the past years
before I entered graduate school, I have always avoided religion and
spirituality courses, apart from the fact that I really did not need one because
I came from a university where you can believe in almost anything, and whenever
I came close to discussing the existence of God, ate would always throw some kind of fit and rise into hot arguments
about how God does not exist, something I did not particularly like. College
was also not a favorable phase to discuss religion when your school is full of
proud and confrontational atheists, agnostics, pragmatics, tree-hugging
people, LGBTs who said God imperfectly created them, and apathetic others next
to not believing in anything at all. Of course, there were the Christians, but overall, it was just an overwhelming
environment to be discovering your spirituality, provided you are not sure of
it. And I was not, then. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God. But my belief and
spirituality were not exactly as deep and strong as I would be willing to die,
or at least fight for it.
Yes, I had my own share of doubts and
questions. I had chosen to see first the spirituality of others before
uncovering mine. I am Catholic and had been distantly attending Church for the
last twenty-two years of my life so I felt it was not enough. I wanted to explore more than seeing only
what's already there on my plate.
I joined worships of different Christian religions and learned a little bit
of something. Iglesia ni Cristo has long (yawnful) speeches about exclusive salvation, Born-agains do not
believe in saints while Protestants don’t pray to them, Anglicans have female
priests and some priests fathered children. I've taken a course in Quran I was
told that Islam is the most peaceful religion, ideally. In a number my of
travels, village people would tell me different stories and beliefs on little
yet meaningful things such as why they built such a church or why they bury
their dead the way they do. I visited Buddhist temples, tried to figure
out how to pray in Chinese shrines and even bowed to my feet
in a mosque.
I am satisfied that my list could just go on,
but in all sincerity, I had not exactly figured it out. It was not like Eat, Pray, Love emancipation although it
helped a lot for me to realize that I was barking at the wrong tree. I realized
that maybe spirituality cannot be found in some other place and some other
person’s beliefs, but within you, and
I was right. Quitting my job before hardly entering law school for lack of
money, the agony and burdens of a working law student, apart from my family falling
apart in all places brought me to seek help from the God within me, not the
Gods within somebody else’s. I wanted a relationship with Him and
I was desperately looking for it all over the place. Never did I realize that
He is just there. He was always there - behind the cloud of doubts that covered
my heart and my yearning to intellectually learn about the world overlooked the
divine grace that I was already experiencing.
I have been in law school for two years now
and I can’t deny how much prayer saved me and how greatly God’s grace righted
all my wrong decisions and mistakes in life. Sometimes, I would even consider
my stay in the school a miracle after all I’ve been through. I admit I am still
a neophyte on the road to spiritual discovery but I feel it has been stronger
now than it was before. More than anything, it felt better when your love for
God is not compelling or given to you by some religion, upbringing or some kind
of belief imposed to you by other people, but you have discovered it through
his grace and His spirit during the darkest moments of your life.
My personal relationship with God started off in doubts and a whole lot of reservations and comparisons; until I saw his light in simple yet moving ways I chose not to see. When that time comes that you are next to nothing and you feel that you can’t be helped anymore, there is nowhere to go but down your knees. There is no place to look at but within your heart. There is no distance and indifference to bridge but the distance between you and God, between me and God. I didn’t have to go far.
On the road to spirituality (*a reflection paper written for a Theology course)
My sister said she does not believe in God.
A couple others around me when asked said they don’t either. For the past years
before I entered graduate school, I have always avoided religion and
spirituality courses, apart from the fact that I really did not need one because
I came from a university where you can believe in almost anything, and whenever
I came close to discussing the existence of God, ate would always throw some kind of fit and rise into hot arguments
about how God does not exist, something I did not particularly like. College
was also not a favorable phase to discuss religion when your school is full of
proud and confrontational atheists, agnostics, pragmatics, tree-hugging
people, LGBTs who said God imperfectly created them, and apathetic others next
to not believing in anything at all. Of course, there were the Christians, but overall, it was just an overwhelming
environment to be discovering your spirituality, provided you are not sure of
it. And I was not, then. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God. But my belief and
spirituality were not exactly as deep and strong as I would be willing to die,
or at least fight for it.
Yes, I had my own share of doubts and
questions. I had chosen to see first the spirituality of others before
uncovering mine. I am Catholic and had been distantly attending Church for the
last twenty-two years of my life so I felt it was not enough. I wanted to explore more than seeing only
what's already there on my plate.
I joined worships of different Christian religions and learned a little bit
of something. Iglesia ni Cristo has long (yawnful) speeches about exclusive salvation, Born-agains do not
believe in saints while Protestants don’t pray to them, Anglicans have female
priests and some priests fathered children. I've taken a course in Quran I was
told that Islam is the most peaceful religion, ideally. In a number my of
travels, village people would tell me different stories and beliefs on little
yet meaningful things such as why they built such a church or why they bury
their dead the way they do. I visited Buddhist temples, tried to figure
out how to pray in Chinese shrines and even bowed to my feet
in a mosque.
I am satisfied that my list could just go on,
but in all sincerity, I had not exactly figured it out. It was not like Eat, Pray, Love emancipation although it
helped a lot for me to realize that I was barking at the wrong tree. I realized
that maybe spirituality cannot be found in some other place and some other
person’s beliefs, but within you, and
I was right. Quitting my job before hardly entering law school for lack of
money, the agony and burdens of a working law student, apart from my family falling
apart in all places brought me to seek help from the God within me, not the
Gods within somebody else’s. I wanted a relationship with Him and
I was desperately looking for it all over the place. Never did I realize that
He is just there. He was always there - behind the cloud of doubts that covered
my heart and my yearning to intellectually learn about the world overlooked the
divine grace that I was already experiencing.
I have been in law school for two years now
and I can’t deny how much prayer saved me and how greatly God’s grace righted
all my wrong decisions and mistakes in life. Sometimes, I would even consider
my stay in the school a miracle after all I’ve been through. I admit I am still
a neophyte on the road to spiritual discovery but I feel it has been stronger
now than it was before. More than anything, it felt better when your love for
God is not compelling or given to you by some religion, upbringing or some kind
of belief imposed to you by other people, but you have discovered it through
his grace and His spirit during the darkest moments of your life.
My personal relationship with God started off in doubts and a whole lot of reservations and comparisons; until I saw his light in simple yet moving ways I chose not to see. When that time comes that you are next to nothing and you feel that you can’t be helped anymore, there is nowhere to go but down your knees. There is no place to look at but within your heart. There is no distance and indifference to bridge but the distance between you and God, between me and God. I didn’t have to go far.
I'm Gixx. I started this blog two years ago when I tried to go about my insanity through documenting my musings in the night. I am now 21, graduate, again studying in law school, and I am still floating and fleeting from my existence and unconventional personality and way of living.
I maintain at least five websites but this is where I write about anything random. I read a lot of books. I love travel and I'm a sucker for zeal and wisdom.
I like to take risks. And that's where I learn. Then I write.
This blog space is owned, managed and updated by MARIA GICEL T CAMBRI. Unless with prior permission, no portion of the contents may be directly or indirectly copied, published, reproduced, modified, displayed, sold, transmitted, published or redistributed in any medium. I mean it.
Encodegixx@2010
